Toilet Paper

Talk about a dirty scam. Federal prosecutors in Florida say at least three people working for a septic tank company duped customers into buying about $1 million in unnecessary products — in some cases enough toilet paper to last more than 70 years. More than a dozen customers were told they needed special toilet paper to avoid ruining their septic tanks because the federal government changed regulations on toilet paper. The federal government does not regulate septic tank products.

If you enjoy the off-kilter, sketch-based humor of "Kentucky Fried Movie," Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life," and anything that cranks up the Farrelly brothers' raunch factor to 11, then "Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie" should please you. Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim, co-creators of the TV series "Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!," wrote and directed this celebration of bad taste. The movie has Heidecker and Wareheim playing Hollywood newbie filmmaker morons, who have squandered a billion of the Schlaaang Corporation's dollars on a...

LOS ANGELES - Dick Wilson, the actor and pitchman who played the uptight grocer begging customers "Please, don't squeeze the Charmin," died yesterday. He was 91. The man famous as television's "Mr. Whipple" died of natural causes at the Motion Picture & Television Fund Hospital in Woodland Hills, said his daughter Melanie Wilson, who is known for her role as a flight attendant on the ABC sitcom "Perfect Strangers. " Over 21 years, Mr. Wilson made more than 500 commercials as Mr. George Whipple, a man consumed with keeping bubbly housewives from fondling the soft...

NEW YORK — Thousands of fans roared as New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning hoisted the team's Super Bowl trophy from a glittering blue-and-white float Tuesday during a victory parade along the Canyon of Heroes, where the city has honored stars for almost a century. The parade set off from the southern tip of Manhattan and moved slowly north to City Hall as fans dressed head-to-toe in Giants gear cheered and confetti wafted slowly down from the high-rises that line the street.

Fire investigators have charged a 13-year-old Maine girl with arson for allegedly setting fire to toilet paper at her school, forcing hundreds of students to be evacuated. The state fire marshal's office says Monday's fire started in a toilet-paper dispenser in a second-floor girl's bathroom at Vassalboro Community School. More than 500 students from kindergarten through eighth grade were evacuated, but the fire was confined to the bathroom and nobody was hurt. Officials say the seventh-grade girl will appear in juvenile court in February.

MEXICO CITY — Mexico has released a list of 99 US products subject to higher tariffs to pressure Washington to lift a US ban on Mexican cargo trucks. The tariffs range from 5 percent to 15 percent and apply to products including cheese, fruits, juices, wine, toilet paper, and some pork products. The Mexican Economy Department published the list yesterday. The US government has expressed disappointment in the measure. The tariffs will affect about $2.5 billion worth of trade from 43 US states.

WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. - John Chervokas, an advertising man and wordsmith who was credited with introducing a toilet paper slogan into popular culture with his "Please Don't Squeeze the Charmin" campaign, has died at age 74. Mr. Chervokas, who lived in Briarcliff Manor, died last Saturday of a stroke at a Manhattan hospital, said his son, journalist Jason Chervokas. He had battled Parkinson's disease for five years. Mr. Chervokas was a junior copywriter at Benton & Bowles in 1964 when, he said, the image of housewives squeezing fruit in...

The North Reading food pantry is in need of items that carry a sales tax, because Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program recipients cannot use their state food assistance cards to purchase anything that has a sales tax. Baby wipes and diapers top the list, according to Sandy Carriker, cochairwoman of Christian Community Service, which sponsors the pantry at Town Hall. "We have a lot of young mothers who ask for wipes, and we rarely have them," Carriker said. Toiletries such as shampoo and deodorant also are in high demand, as are cleaning supplies, paper towels,...

A one-night stay? Ninety dollars. Need to see a doctor? Ten bucks. Want toilet paper? Pay for it yourself. In the ever-widening search for extra income during desperate economic times, states across the nation are embracing a new idea: making inmates pay their debt to society not only in hard time, but also in cold, hard cash. In New York, Assemblyman James Tedisco introduced a bill that would charge wealthy criminals $90 a day for room and board at state prisons. Dubbed the Madoff Bill, after Ponzi schemer Bernard Madoff, the legislation is designed to ease the $1 billion...

FOXBOROUGH - Gregg Gillis, who performs as Girl Talk, is fond of a statement he had emblazoned on one of the first T-shirts he used to sell at his shows. In big block letters, it says: "I AM NOT A DJ. " And he's right. He's a rock star whose instrument just happens to be a laptop and whose stage moves are restricted to bobbing his head alongside crazed fans who cram themselves on stage with him. Gillis makes a living using other people's songs, mashing them up into his own shape-shifting creations.

The North Reading food pantry is in need of items that carry a sales tax, because Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program recipients cannot use their state food assistance cards to purchase anything that has a sales tax. Baby wipes and diapers top the list, according to Sandy Carriker, cochairwoman of Christian Community Service, which sponsors the pantry at Town Hall. "We have a lot of young mothers who ask for wipes, and we rarely have them," Carriker said. Toiletries such as shampoo and deodorant also are in high demand, as are cleaning supplies, paper towels, tissues, and toilet paper.

Talk about a dirty scam. Federal prosecutors in Florida say at least three people working for a septic tank company duped customers into buying about $1 million in unnecessary products — in some cases enough toilet paper to last more than 70 years. More than a dozen customers were told they needed special toilet paper to avoid ruining their septic tanks because the federal government changed regulations on toilet paper. The federal government does not regulate septic tank products.

Fire investigators have charged a 13-year-old Maine girl with arson for allegedly setting fire to toilet paper at her school, forcing hundreds of students to be evacuated. The state fire marshal's office says Monday's fire started in a toilet-paper dispenser in a second-floor girl's bathroom at Vassalboro Community School. More than 500 students from kindergarten through eighth grade were evacuated, but the fire was confined to the bathroom and nobody was hurt. Officials say the seventh-grade girl will appear in juvenile court in February.

WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. - John Chervokas, an advertising man and wordsmith who was credited with introducing a toilet paper slogan into popular culture with his "Please Don't Squeeze the Charmin" campaign, has died at age 74. Mr. Chervokas, who lived in Briarcliff Manor, died last Saturday of a stroke at a Manhattan hospital, said his son, journalist Jason Chervokas. He had battled Parkinson's disease for five years. Mr. Chervokas was a junior copywriter at Benton & Bowles in 1964 when, he said, the image of housewives squeezing fruit in a supermarket...

Friday Night Lights 9 p.m., DirectTV Tonight is the series finale of “Friday Night Lights’’ — oh, look at those birds. Hey, what’s for dinner? I really like flowering cacti, do you? OK, I’m in denial, and I really don’t want to be writing this item. Actually, those of us in denial about the end of this great show can wait until the spring to watch the finale, when it airs on NBC (the season begins on April 15). And that’s when I’ll be writing in more depth about the last stretch of the show.

Public restrooms are problematic, and that’s not just because they may be dirty, inconveniently located, or lacking toilet paper. As co-editor Harvey Molotch points out, these places are inherently sites of ambiguity and unease because they provide a public setting for “intensely private acts.’’ Its very purpose makes the public bathroom into a theater in which issues of cleanliness, privacy, and gender play off questions of access, history, and...

Friday Night Lights 9 p.m., DirectTV Tonight is the series finale of “Friday Night Lights’’ — oh, look at those birds. Hey, what’s for dinner? I really like flowering cacti, do you? OK, I’m in denial, and I really don’t want to be writing this item. Actually, those of us in denial about the end of this great show can wait until the spring to watch the finale, when it airs on NBC (the season begins on April 15). And that’s when I’ll be writing in more depth about the last stretch of the show.

A few months ago, you were living it up, a single professional on your own. Now, to save some cash, you've got a roommate. Ugh. More renters, once living as singles, are doubling up amid a sluggish economy, an uncertain job market and a housing slump. But the extra money in the pocket will do little to ease roommate tensions. Etiquette specialists say young adults shouldn't expect rooming this time around to be as easygoing as college living. "The drunk excuse won't fly anymore," said Lizzie Post with a laugh.

A SEASIDE CATCH Coming from the Midwest, I am continually shocked by how close together things are in New England. Especially from Boston, distances are short. So although my friend lives two states away in Maine, it was far from difficult to pop up to Portland for a visit. An easy two-hour drive up Interstate 95 or an equally quick train ride on Amtrak’s Downeaster will get you to this bustling and bohemian seaside city. At the heart of it all is the Old Port, with its cozy cafes, swanky boutiques, abundant seafood, and tempting consignment stores, including Shopaholics Boutique on Fore Street, where I scored an...

MEXICO CITY — Mexico has released a list of 99 US products subject to higher tariffs to pressure Washington to lift a US ban on Mexican cargo trucks. The tariffs range from 5 percent to 15 percent and apply to products including cheese, fruits, juices, wine, toilet paper, and some pork products. The Mexican Economy Department published the list yesterday. The US government has expressed disappointment in the measure. The tariffs will affect about $2.5 billion worth of trade from 43 US states.