Helicopter parents take a rest

After years of over-scheduling their kids, some moms and dads are taking cues from the French and backing off

February 23, 2012|By Beth Teitell, Globe Staff

Sonia Schneider was a mom in the grip of a parenting mania. Eager to expose her young children to as many enrichment opportunities as their peers, the Brookline mother signed her preschooler and kindergartner up for so many classes last year that her 5-year-old was too busy for play dates.

“She’d want to read a book together,’’ Schneider said, “but I’d say, ‘We don’t have time for that, you have to get into your leotard.’ ’’ The extracurricular activities continued to escalate. Until Schneider finally hit bottom. “We started doing private ukulele lessons.’’

That was it. While Schneider’s kids are taking skating lessons, her days of over-scheduling them are, well, over. “I don’t know what happened,’’ she says. “I was so crazy.’’

Is the helicopter parent dead? It’s probably too soon to declare that, but a new parenting book, “Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting,’’ has caught fire in the parenting world, leading experts to report a growing eagerness among mothers and fathers to return to the less-intense style practiced by previous generations. It’s a loose movement, if it can even be called that, known as “free-range parenting,’’ that’s been simmering for the last few years. Its focus is on common-sense parenting in an overprotective world.

“There is a hunger in American parents for an alternative to the way we are raising kids now,’’ said Pamela Druckerman, a journalist who lives in France with her three children and the author of “Bringing Up Bébé,’’ which hit Amazon’s bestseller list before it was even published, on Feb. 7. In her book, Druckerman, who is scheduled to talk at Brookline Booksmith on March 1 at 7 p.m., describes a calmer, more rational parenting style practiced by the French that she says results in children who don’t require snacks all day long, who sleep through the night, who behave in restaurants, and whose parents have time in the evening to themselves.

For those Americans not living under the reign of children, or who haven’t witnessed the madness, the current parenting style could be described as No Child Left Alone. It’s a high-energy, carpool-driven exercise in which every organized sport must be played, every extracurricular class taken, everything dropped when a child speaks. And it has left parents of young children so exhausted that an expletive-laced book about the supposedly simple act of trying to put a child to bed, “Go the F**K to Sleep,’’ was a runaway bestseller in May.

“I think the success of my book is a sign that we can’t stay where we are,’’ Druckerman said. “The style of parenting that’s developed over the last 20 years is not sustainable.’’