If my say-so is enough to get him to change his ways, huzzah! But why do I suspect it won’t? One, because every etiquette book says that you tip 15 to 20 percent in a restaurant; this isn’t a question of him not knowing. Two, because of the physical throw-down of the money (congratulations on that telling detail; you are an excellent writer with a keen eye).
In terms of the financial decisions a couple need to make together, tipping is, er, only the tip of the iceberg. If this is the sole area in which you are fiscally incompatible, let it go – or intercept the checks yourself. But if your husband’s money-tossing is a symptom of a larger problem between the two of you, get some financial/marital counseling now, before you face choices that involve much higher stakes.
> I work in a small office. Occasionally, an evangelical Christian employee fund-raises for his church. I strongly suspect the church and I do not agree on many social issues, such as gay rights. I give, but reluctantly. Can you suggest another tactic?
H.N. / Needham
I can suggest several! The next time your colleague starts the shekel shakedown for his Tabernacle of Holier Than Thou, tell him that:
(1) You have a charity budget and have stopped giving on an ad hoc basis.
(2) You only give to religious organizations to which you belong.
(3) You suspect that soliciting for religious organizations is frowned upon in the workplace and you don’t want him to get in trouble.
(4) You can’t right now.
