First thing we do, let’s kill all the coyotes.
Seriously, this lowbrow Man vs. Wild comedy has to stop. For at least a decade, coyotes have been carrying off household pets and threatening people all over Boston, notably in such posh, hair-trigger suburbs as Newton, Belmont, and Brookline. The city of Belmont’s website has a neat, interactive map that allows citizens to post coyote sightings. Let’s just say it looks as if there are a lot more coyotes in Belmont than Dunkin’ Donuts outlets.
The coyote tale is always the same. A frantic citizen has a close encounter with one of the state’s 10,000 coyotes. He or she appeals to the police, City Hall, the animal control authorities, the state wildlife gang, and always gets the same answer: Sorry, nothing we can do.
Last month the Globe reported the plight of Brookline’s Ann Tolkoff, one of several residents concerned about a family of four coyotes loping around the Corey Hill neighborhood near Coolidge Corner. Tolkoff and her neighbors want the coyotes evicted, but the solutions offered are either ineffectual or inane. Massachusetts won’t trap the coyotes because the Legislature banned “inhumane’’ body-gripping traps in 1996. So-called box traps exist, but they don’t work very well.
As in other towns, the Brookline authorities have suggested banging on pots and pans to scare away the coyotes, or - my personal favorite - playing recordings of growling cougars at high volume. Cue the Bose catamounts! In the town that banned spanking, I’m sure everyone wants to hear amplified cougar roars blasting from every apartment window.
Why not shoot them? The police carry guns, last time I checked. I suspect they know how to use them.
“That would have to be a last resort,’’ said Tolkoff, a spirited former schoolteacher who told me she last saw a coyote in her driveway on Dec. 29. Oops - change that. Thirty minutes after speaking with me last Thursday, Tolkoff called to say she just spotted a coyote up the street. “It was wearing a T-shirt that read ‘Alex Beam - please don’t shoot me.’ ’’
Ms. Tolkoff has a sense of humor, but her fear of coyotes is deadly serious. “This is not an acceptable situation for urban people,’’ she says. “I have three grandchildren, and I can’t let them sled down our driveway or play in our backyard.’’
