— “Paul Blart: Mall Cop’’ (2009): It made over $183 million worldwide, but that doesn’t make it good. And what’s so frustrating is that this dopey comedy is a dismal waste of the innate regular-guy likability of its star, Kevin James, who created the character. James plays a portly, Segway-riding shopping center security guard who pines for the hottie at the hair extension kiosk. Having repeatedly failed the New Jersey state trooper exam, he longs for action, and finds it when he gets caught up in a holiday bank heist that’s a cheap knock-off of “Die Hard.’’ This being a Happy Madison Production — Adam Sandler is James’ friend and domestic partner from “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry’’ — there are, of course, plenty of obligatory adolescent sight gags to go along with the man-child hero fantasies.
— “Bride Wars’’ (2009): Clearly, 2009 was off to an inauspicious start. “Bride Wars’’ represents everything that’s wrong with a) wedding movies and b) modern romantic comedies in general. Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway co-star as lifelong best friends who’ve obsessively fantasized about the ideal wedding since they were children in small-town New Jersey. Because that’s what all girls do, right? Lavish nuptials represent the zenith to which we all aspire. Then both get engaged within days of each other and accidentally book their weddings at New York’s Plaza Hotel on the same date. An elaborate game of sabotage ensues, climaxing with a catfight in which they rip each other apart in a screechy frenzy of hair and veils and silk. “Bride Wars’’ offers cliched stereotypes of female, catty materialism. Shockingly, two of the film’s three writers are women.
