I already have suggested that he start taking little walks, but he insists he has genetically bad knees - as opposed to having bad knees from the extra 200 pounds he carries around. He recently had open-heart surgery to replace a bad valve and claimed the same genetic excuse. He has damaged my couch, and I had to replace two patio chairs. He was offended when I asked him not to sit on the more delicate furniture since it has a 250-pound weight limit.
I know my mom is disgusted, too, but Dad is incredibly stubborn. I think he has been depressed since my brother died in Afghanistan. But he is eating himself to death. Just being in his presence now irritates the daylights out of me. What are we to do?
DISGUSTED BY THE GLUTTON
A. Dad already feels worthless, so instead of anger and disgust, try compassion. You are right about this being a form of addiction, which means it is extremely hard for Dad to control his food cravings. You will have better luck working on his depression, which can interfere with his willingness to become healthier. Enlist your mother’s help to encourage Dad to see his doctor about the possibility of medication.
Q. I have not trusted my husband since a family member told me he was cheating. The other night, he was a little drunk and said he never had to hide having sex with someone until he got married. When I asked for an explanation, he claimed to be ‘‘just messing’’ with me.
We’ve been married a long time and have grown kids and grandkids. A few years ago, I was certain he was seeing another woman, and when I yelled, ‘‘I hope it was good,’’ he screamed, ‘‘It sure was!’’
Then he said there was no one else and he simply wanted to hurt me. It worked. I no longer feel the same way about him. I’m tired of being told I have a problem, but I don’t intend to leave at this late date. What do you think?
S.P.
A. If you are going to stay with a man you don’t trust, you need to separate yourself emotionally from his behavior. Occupy yourself with activities that make you happy. Perhaps when you stop paying attention to his nocturnal wanderings, he’ll lose interest in them, as well.
Q. I have a solution for “Noisy Dog Next Door,’’ whose neighbors’ guard dog is kept outside and barks all night long. If the dog barks at 2 a.m., I suggest they phone the neighbors at 4 a.m. to let them know their dog woke them up two hours earlier. A few calls like that should take care of the problem.
SEVIERVILLE, TENN.
