Schalet, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, says a key reason for the disparity is that American and Dutch parents approach the issue of teen sexuality in radically different ways, the most obvious and tangible of which is that most Dutch parents are willing, under specific circumstances (a relationship they approve of, the proven use of birth control), to allow their teenagers to have sleepovers with their romantic partners.
For most American parents, the very idea elicits an exclamation Schalet took for the title of her new book, “Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex.’’ For many families, the tension surrounding the issue is perhaps most acute at this time of year, when students come home for the holidays with a new college boyfriend or girlfriend.
Schalet’s book, which draws on extensive interviews with more than 100 teenagers and their parents in both countries, highlights stark distinctions between the information Dutch teenagers get about sex, where schools and families promote a positive narrative of sexuality within the context of a loving relationship and normal development, and the mixed messages American teenagers receive.
“The culture as a whole, whether we’re talking about sex education or the media, really has a schizophrenic relationship with teen sexuality,’’ says Schalet. “There’s a lot of sexualization in the media, but at the same time a huge cultural emphasis on all the risks and the danger.’’
This is, after all, a culture where a teenager can start the evening watching “Gossip Girl’’ or “Teen Mom,’’ then dash off to a chastity ball, where girls promise their fathers they’ll remain a virgin until marriage.
Add to that a national political debate over abortion, birth control, and sex education, and it’s not surprising that, as Schalet writes, in this country “teen sex has been dramatized - fraught with cultural ambivalences, heated political struggles, and poor health outcomes.’’
Still, for most American parents - even those who would consider themselves liberal or progressive on social issues - the idea of a parentally approved romantic sleepover is not on the table.
