Q. Is this a health issue? Can we be physically harmed by having our dignity violated?
A. The research is pretty clear that when you’re chronically faced with people who violate our dignity it has a devastating effect. Cortisol increases, the immune system is compromised. Even though this is a psychological issue, the psychological has profound physical and biological effects on our well-being. We can no longer think of being mistreated as something we can just get over.
Q. Do some of us feel worse than others when our dignity is violated?
A. We are all vulnerable. But people can be more hypersensitive, especially people who have had their dignity violated very early on their lives. They are also more vulnerable to becoming perpetrators of dignity violations.
Q. How do you identify a dignity violation?
A. You know it when you feel it. When you’re in a workplace and you bump into some people and you have some good interactions - you feel it. [The opposite is also true.] You walk into a situation where you’re sitting around a table and somebody says something demeaning - bingo - everybody in the room feels that. People may not have a language to say what that is, but we know the feeling of it.
Q. Don’t we all violate other people’s dignity sometimes?
A. People tend to overestimate their ability to honor the dignity of others and underestimate the way they are to others. If you’re chronically having problems with relationships, you can bet there’s something you’re doing that’s violating the other person’s dignity.
Q. You said your goal in writing this book was not to call out those who violate other people’s dignity?
A. I’m not trying to make people look bad. I’m just trying to give people an opportunity to consciously think about “how am I going to treat people who I come in contact with? Am I going to look at them and think this person has value and worth?’’ We can do so much better at learning how to honor people’s dignity.
