I recently rented a vacation home on the Cape to relax for a week. I invited a few friends to spend time there, too. One of them brought her iPhone, iPad, and computer and couldn’t stop working. A number of times she was on the phone loudly conducting business, and disrupted the serenity and peacefulness of the setting. Was that rude of her? Should I have asked her to stop? Was I too sensitive?
E.P. / North Reading
It really doesn’t matter who is right and who is wrong. The point is, she was your guest, which means you were in charge of what behavior was acceptable in the house. You could (and should) set rules. Your friend is the hard-charging type, and perhaps by her lights she was relaxing. Some people feel they’ve sufficiently gotten away from it all if they can court their next coronary by the shore. However, you had a different idea of relaxation in mind. And if your friend was impinging on others (presumably, you wouldn’t have objected if she sequestered herself in her room for a few hours a day), you had every right to ask her to curb her behavior.
Since you didn’t, though, you’re not in a terribly good position to get angry at her now. Chalk it up to lessons learned, and next time you can let visiting friends know in advance that mornings are quiet time or that no laptops are permitted or what have you. The most relaxed hosts are usually those with the most comprehensive house rules, who let their guests know exactly what’s expected of them. Don’t worry about seeming dictatorial. Everyone knows that being a houseguest can mean being a nuisance to one’s host, so guests are usually grateful for clear guidelines. Is there anything worse than constant dithering over who will pay for what and clean up after which, because everyone is bending over backward to be accommodating?
