For some parents, telling kids about money is tougher than talking about sex

We spoke with Neale S. Godfrey, best-selling author of “Money Doesn’t Grow on Trees: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Financially Responsible Children’’ (Simon and Schuster, $13). Here are excerpts:

■ Why do parents find it so hard to talk to kids about money?

It goes back to our past and the idea that polite people don’t talk about money. Money is associated with evil, which is nuts … Talk about it. Demystify it.

Conversely, you don’t want your kids running around talking about how much you earn. So you tell them it’s basically no one’s business, but it’s no big deal because it’s not how we define ourselves. We define ourselves by giving to charity or doing volunteer work.

■ Why is it important to not just teach a child to save, but to spend?

All they ever see us do with money is spend it… . Tell them, “At the end of the month, a bill comes. I pay that bill.’’ If we don’t start having those conversations, we have set these children up for failure.

You have to spend, but don’t feel guilty. It’s part of a healthy budget. It’s just like eating. You have to eat. We’re not trying to teach them not to eat, we’re trying to teach them healthy eating.

■ How can parents best model good spending and saving habits? Make a list with the kids. Call the list your budget, and tell them you’re not going to buy anything that is not on that list. They don’t see you doing a ton of discretionary spending; they see you staying on a budget.

■ How do you explain an allowance is contingent on work, but there are other things you do - getting good grades - just because they need to be done?

School is a responsibility, not a job. It’s enrichment and a privilege. And I don’t pay for good behavior. You don’t want to bribe them to do stuff. Money is a result of work, not good behavior. Let them decide beforehand what you as a family can do to celebrate their success, like a picnic, going fishing or cooking a special meal together.

Every study has said it means more to a worker to be praised for their work than to get a monetary reward. Why would we think that’s any different with our kids?

Mari-Jane Williams writes for The Washington Post.