The magic number when magic’s gone

Why the seven-year curse?

Marriage experts - both professional observers and people who have been divorced - blame the stress of caring for young children, the accumulation of bad times, and work and family pressures, all of which tend to build to a boiling point around seven years.

“This is rarely the case of a happily married person who discovers after seven years that Marilyn Monroe has just moved in downstairs,’’ said Andrew J. Cherlin, a professor of sociology and public policy at Johns Hopkins University. “Typically people who are unhappy with their marriages figure that out within the first few years and then take a few more years to get to the state of divorcing.’’

“Over time,’’ he said, “people’s flaws reveal themselves. The positives remain, but the negatives build up. It may be that after a while you realize your spouse won’t be providing for you economically as well as you want.’’

Mark Alley, 54, of Bellingham, said the stress of kids and life broke up his marriage around the seven-year mark.

“My first son was born with special needs, so that weighed heavily on our marriage,’’ he said. “I worked really hard so my wife could stay home with the boys, but she said, ‘I’d rather have you work 40 hours and make $40,000 than 80 hours and make $100,000 plus.’ But I was trying to climb the corporate ladder.’’

“In my eyes, I was doing all the right things,’’ said Alley, who left the restaurant industry and now works as a mortgage broker. “But frankly, I wasn’t listening to her.’’

Children also played a role in Melissa Day’s divorce. “Once you have children, the whole reality of where you’re going to go in life with this person as a family sets in,’’ said Day, 40, of Bellingham.