Teens often lack tools to deal with abuse

July 07, 2011|By Peter Schworm, Globe Staff

When Keisha Ormond talks to high school students about dating violence, she starts by asking them whether they have ever been in a verbally or physically abusive relationship or known someone who has. Time and again, the response is the same.

“More than half raise their hands,’’ said Ormond, who works with area teenagers through a Roxbury-based dating and domestic violence program. “They know what dating violence is, and they know what it looks like. But they often don’t know what to do about it.’’

The horrific slaying of an 18-year-old woman in Wayland - allegedly at the hands of her former boyfriend, a high school classmate who is accused of strangling her, slashing her throat, and dumping her in a marsh - may represent the most extreme expression of a deep-rooted problem, those who work with teenagers say.

While details of the couple’s three-year relationship remain murky, specialists say that adolescents cope with emotional and, in severe cases, physical abuse more often than many adults may realize.

Inexperienced in dating and overwhelmed by conflicting emotions, teenagers often struggle to escape abusive relationships or even to recognize them for what they are.

“I don’t think it occurs to them that someone who cares about them can hurt them,’’ said Katy Colthart, a clinical social worker in Needham who coun sels teenagers in abusive relationships. “They think they are too young, and they don’t have anything to compare it to. So they overlook the warning signs that could lead to something physically dangerous.’’

While murders involving teenage couples are exceedingly rare, lesser forms of violence are alarmingly prevalent. In a nationwide government survey in 2009, close to 10 percent of high school students report being hit, slapped, or physically hurt by their boyfriend or girlfriend in the previous year. Girls are disproportionately affected. One in three adolescent girls is a victim of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner, according to the National Council on Crime and Delinquency. Other studies have suggested even higher rates.

Specialists said that such statistics undercut notions widely held by parents and teenagers alike that young couples are immune to familiar patterns of adult domestic violence.

“We all want to think our kids are safe in being in a relationship,’’ said Mary Gianakis, director of Voices Against Violence, a Framingham domestic violence and rape crisis center. “But the data tell us that one in five teens reports being physically and/or sexually abused in a dating relationship. It’s really scary and very sad.’’