For those quick to tear up at work, it helps to develop strategies to manage them

Kreamer: There are those people who say, “Well, I’m a crier,’’ and there are those who say, “I’m not a crier.’’ The two groups have real difficulty appreciating each other. One views the other as weak. The other views the noncrier as unfeeling, or rigid. And it’s neither. It’s just different. If we were all taught how to manage those differences, the workplace would be a better place. It’s sort of a Goldilocks kind of thing - you don’t want too much or too little emotion in a workplace. If you know your boss dislikes tears, then you should develop strategies to help you manage them.

Q.I think any strong emotion, whether anger, crying, despair, etc., is inappropriate for work. Whether intentional or not, such emotions often create a feeling of attempted manipulation of business decisions. While I understand that one sometimes cannot control one’s emotions, I think it is appropriate for someone who is having extreme emotions to excuse themselves and find someplace to collect themselves and then return to the discussion.

Kreamer: You are correct that emotion can get in the way of smooth operations, but I think one of the issues I’m trying to address is that emotions are there all the time, informing every single decision. What’s also true is that none of us are ever taught how to handle the expression of strong emotion at work. Usually ignoring it won’t make it go away. It tends to fester and then erupt even more powerfully another time. The trick is to know what you are feeling, figure out how to address that before something explodes, and move on.

Q.I think part of the problem for me is that once I start crying, I can’t talk clearly, so I get more frustrated, and whoever is there doesn’t know why I’m upset.

Kreamer: A great thing to do in this kind of a situation is say, “We’ve clearly touched on an important nerve, please give me a second to pull my thoughts together and I’d like to try and express what’s behind the tears.’’ The tears can be about frustration, feeling overwhelmed, feeling undervalued. Whatever it is, try to think clearly about what is so upsetting and then discuss those issues as clearly as possible. If you don’t feel you can do it right then, then say, “Look, this is important to me, obviously, I’d like to talk about it. Can we make time tomorrow?’’

Michelle Singletary is a columnist for The Washington Post.

SOURCE: Bloomberg News