The result was about $12,000 of debt that he was at first afraid to reveal to Mills.
When she learned how much he owed, she was not judgmental, despite having just $6,000 in college loans and no credit card debt. She was, however, reluctant to start a life together with such a burden.
“I knew what his income was, and I realized how long it would take to pay that back,’’ Mills recalled. “Experience was showing that he wasn’t going to be able to make the money that he needed to overcome that debt.’’
Their story has a happy ending. Dux was able to pay most of what he owed by selling off his share of the rental house, and the St. Paul couple celebrated their first wedding anniversary last month. And learning to talk about their feelings and viewpoints regarding spending and debt bodes well for their future.
Experts say couples that deal openly and honestly with money issues early on have tackled one of the toughest topics in a relationship.
“I don’t know that I would say that finances are the number one cause of divorce, but they’re right up there with the top causes,’’ said Gary Nickelson, president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
There are dozens of reasons money issues can come into play in a relationship, from uncontrollable factors like job loss during the recession to secret spending.
Such spending and the resultant hefty debt, in particular, are surprisingly common. A study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry estimated 5.8 percent of US adults are compulsive shoppers.
Often, spouses looking for help bare their souls in anonymous places like the forums of money management website Wesabe.com. “My wife has a long history with overspending,’’ one recent post began. “Twice in the past, she has run up over $10,000 in credit card debt without my knowledge.’’ Another came from a woman who admitted she ran up $30,000 on her cards. “If my husband finds out, he will divorce me.’’
