Hmmm. When you put it that way, no wonder you are having trouble.
So what can we do to get you back on track?
First and foremost, you must forget about Eric Gagné. That's right. I mean you. If this requires shaving your beard or asking your brother to replace his bug-eyed sunglasses with prescription contacts, then do so immediately. If it means temporarily cutting ties with Canadian relatives, I'm sure they will understand.
Venting over Gagné's inability to get through the 11th inning is a pointless exercise. He has been ineffective since he joined the Red Sox in a July 31 trade that cost them young lefthander Kason Gabbard and outfielders David Murphy and Engel Beltre. The Red Sox have given Gagné every opportunity to become a key contributor out of the bullpen, but he is allergic to clean innings and uneventful outings. He inspires absolutely no confidence, and he's as popular right now as Mike Torrez was in '78.
Put him in your rearview mirror. He will not be on the mound again in another meaningful game. In fact, he was only used in Game 2 because manager Terry Francona's options had dwindled to the bottom of the bullpen barrel. If the Red Sox advance to the World Series, who would be shocked if You Know Who's name wasn't even on the roster? It would be a relief.
OK now, breathe in some of that karma.
It has come to our attention you are also confused about Javier Lopez. He is supposed to be a specialist who flummoxes lefthanders, and yet, southpaw batters are hitting .293 against him. Trot Nixon, whose anemic numbers in 2007 included a .224 average against lefthanded pitchers, tagged him for the winning RBI.
