FOXBOROUGH -- Are you ready for some consumer fraud?
You've come to the right place, because tonight at Gillette Stadium the Patriots and Tennessee Titans renew hostilities in a battle between teams that just plain don't like each other.
Unfortunately, by the time the second quarter starts, few of the guys on the field will bear any resemblance to the players who battled ferociously in Nashville last New Year's Eve.
Welcome to 2007 preseason football -- games formerly known as "exhibitions." Many years ago, the Lords of the NFL decreed that "exhibition" sounds too much like powder puff, so the league insists on labeling these no-name dances preseason games. I guess it's better than calling them "lightweight football."
Preseason. That means no Laurence Maroney, no Randy Moss, probably no Ty Warren, and not much Tom Brady. It means no heavy lifting for the veterans. The theme for players who are secure in their positions is "do no harm." That's NFL-speak for "don't get hurt."
No doubt practice games are important for coaches' evaluations and players fighting for positions. Preseason is a perfect time for a sixth-round pick out of Michigan to demonstrate that maybe someday he could be as good as Drew Bledsoe. Fantasy footballers can probably track some trends.
The scam is in the pricing. You pay major league prices for Grapefruit football. Tickets for tonight's game cost the same as seats for the super-hyped home opener against the San Diego Chargers (who have done away with all preseason pretense and said that all-world LaDainian Tomlinson will not play in these farces). So the suckers tonight will pay $125 for sideline seats to watch the scrubs trying to impress the coaches. It'll be another $40 to park, same as during the regular season. And light beers for light football will still weigh heavily on your wallet.
It's the price of doing business if you are an NFL fan. Want a season ticket for those eight Patriots home games? You've got to buy a 10-game package, which includes the two Allen Iverson Practice Games. If you don't like it, there's plenty of folks on the waiting list who'll buy the 10 and give away the ridiculous Two Nights In August.
A lot of regular fans skip these sessions and dump the ducats on the mailman, the baby sitter, or the guy who does their taxes. The result of this is a lot of newbies here tonight, and in this spirit the Patriots have issued a special Friday night traffic advisory. The statement warns that "fans should be reminded to allow more time than usual" if they plan on making it for the phony kickoff of the phony game.
