It seems that in her quest for pioneering glory, Sarah's ultra-jock pal, Juno (Natalie Mendoza ), has intentionally left the guidebook in the car and led the gang into a cave that wasn't on the itinerary. (``That other cave was for tourists," she sneers.) The ladies find themselves lost and clueless about how to get out. (The mysterious scribbling on the wall might be trying to tell them something. Maybe that an M. Night Shyamalan film is playing in the adjacent cave.)
Being trapped is a terrible situation for them and great news for us, because right around the time that Holly (Nora-Jane Noone ), the ``mentalist who jumps off buildings," plummets down a hole and breaks her leg, the movie starts to treat us to the unspeakable wickedness that surrounds them. Namely, it's a gang of perfectly evolved, pale-skinned batmen, who look like fanged condoms. The cave is their home, and these girls are what's for dinner.
Before the feasting begins there is plenty of time to appreciate that these women will not be easy prey. They're brave, resourceful, educated, athletic, willing to fight, and their clothes stay on. (For lad-mag subscribers, this summer's wet T-shirt drought persists.) The movie doesn't do too much to flesh out all six women. So since five are from the United Kingdom I was forced to label them: Spiky Spice, Passive-Aggressive Spice, Post-Traumatic Spice, etc.
Selfish Juno appears to be the lone American; her decision to drag a bunch of unsuspecting Englishpeople into hostile territory under false pretenses might strike some as a tad presidential. Really, though, she's a woman who will stop at nothing to survive. She's actually Sigourney Spice.
It's nice to get a British movie that stars no dames, although you can imagine a sequel set 30 years later, with Judi Dench as Sarah and Helen Mirren as Juno, rappelling alongside Imelda Staunton and Julie Walters . I'll let them fight over who'd be Old Spice.
