When Doug Mirabelli was announced as last night's starting catcher, the crowd erupted as if John Henry had just announced free beer and hot dogs for both Yankee games.
How badly did the Red Sox want Mirabelli back? The police escort was ready on the tarmac when he disembarked from his plane at 6:48 p.m. He dressed in the car. He breezed through the clubhouse, put on his equipment, and headed to the field. He caught Wakefield's first pitch to the newly villainized Johnny Damon -- or, as he's known at WROR, ''Juan Damón" -- at 7:13.
Thank God for Logan. And the Big Dig. Now that's what I call good use of our tax dollars. In Houston or Kansas City, he would have been lucky to get to the park by the fifth inning.
If you want to say that only in Boston would there be such a fuss about a backup catcher, that's fine, as long as you remember that only in Boston does Tim Wakefield take the mound every five days.
''We really appreciate what Josh Bard did," said general manager Theo Epstein, ''and, in time, I'm sure he would have gotten it. But we had a chance to get a known quantity, someone who catches the knuckleball as well as anyone on the planet."
Pity poor Bard. The guy was a member of the Red Sox organization for 93 days, and he will not be remembered fondly by the Nation. He forever will be remembered as a total failure, chased out of town after five futile starts as Wakefield's catcher. For the moment, he is now a continent away, attempting to reconstruct his baseball life.
''I want to say something about Josh Bard," offered Epstein. ''He was unbelievably professional while he was here. He made a lot of friends in this clubhouse in a short period of time. There is no doubt he would eventually have gotten it three days, or three months, from now. But we did not have the luxury of time."
''He had a great attitude," confirmed Jason Varitek. ''But it was a tough situation, no matter who came here to catch Tim, because of the high standards that were set."
Take it from One Who Knows. Until you've done it, you truly have no idea what it's like to catch a knuckleballer.
