We see Alfie score with such beauties as Jane Krakowski and Marisa Tomei, Nia Long and Susan Sarandon. No one can resist him. Under Charles Shyer's direction, everything in ''Alfie" glows -- often radioactively, at least where Shyer's story or his dialogue is concerned. The cinematography (by Ashley Rowe) makes some things, like Nia Long's brown skin, look like blue velvet and others look as if you're seeing them through a champagne flute.
This is a remake of the judgmental 1966 romp with Michael Caine as a ''bird"-chasing dog. Shyer's version is a thing of infinite emptiness and nauseating vanity. It's not funny, alluring, affecting, or erotic, just conceited.
Law's Alfie is an upwardly mobile Manhattan chauffeur who wants to start his own limo company with his best friend, Marlon, played by Omar Epps, a handsome man who's never allowed to be as blithe or sartorially inspired as his costar. Alfie rides around the city on his Vespa and turns to the camera to explain to us what he's doing, how he's feeling, and whom he'll chase next.
Not even a bout of erectile dysfunction can soothe his addiction to women. When the unsinkably horny Alfie finds out he's not going to die of a venereal disease (a miracle, frankly), he pulls a Gene Kelly and spins around on a pole, stomps in a puddle, and dances up the street. The revelation that one of his conquests plans to have an abortion dampens his elation -- or so you'd think. Sure, he mopes around Manhattan for a scene or two, but it won't be long until he's sniffing around the heels of a fresh conquest. I like Jude Law, but in all my memories of this movie, Alfie is played by Pepe Le Pew.
